Sunday, June 27, 2004

Words to the First

"Greetings once again, unknown eye or curious kin. It has been many arrogant years since I last set out to solidify my scattered thoughts. I have changed, that is true. But to what degree, I can almost always never tell.

As of writing this, the first score and three will have come. Fanciful folly and blind pride are to have supposedly left me, and that some slither of wisdom should now be mercifully at my command.

Ah, but dreams are still dreams. My eyes are fogged now, that is the only reality. I remember telling you that I started this book with ridiculously high hopes yet meager means to back it up. I was a fool then, as I am now. A written fool.

As I reviewed the brothers of this book, I can only think of the severe words that constructed me as an individual, of being outrageously extroverted offhand, but a catastrophic divide on the mental plane. My semantic experiments have taken me far beyond my own comprehension. I have tried many tongues on paper, accrued and attentuated many curses and rantings, attacked the unobstrusive and unheeding with my extradited dogma, and traveled many lifetimes to conceal what I have come to destroy.

And then, there is also the issue of my identity. For in our everydays, I feel we all change in some way, somehow, for something.. as a reaction of our consciousness.

Am I still even me? How will I begin to describe myself now? It's all confounding, to be brief. We only really know until we're far removed from it. Some good years away perhaps, and I will begin to reconstruct and evaluate my prose in reference to my character, and how life generally flowed around my words.

So, as usual, I must invite you to join me in the journey of finding myself. You will be more keen to find my flaws so that I might see, to help me steel my heart and mind from pain. This will be my only mirror.

The other sides of my complexity must also be considered if any worthy assessment is to be made. Here lies the dealings I have with other mortals in my sphere of interaction, including excerpts of our garbled conversations. A test to see how others react to my musings. This brand will be found most interesting, I hope.

Although I have suffered the terrible misfortune of losing a complete volume to the wind, it gives me great pleasure and relief that I have managed to salvage parts of my manuscript from its holdings.

Finally, it is with deepest pride that I welcome you once more into my mind, as we dive into the balderdash and the spindles of my yesterdays, todays, and tomorrow's promise."

Yours in freeverse,

IL Martello